Is Marriage Really Worth It?

Photo by Madison King Washington

As an almost 19 year old living in 2021, it is difficult for me to even think about marriage. My views on love and marriage have changed so much over the past couple years through so many different factors. The people I have dated, seeing my friends date other people, watching my parents and my friends’ parents go through messy divorces have altered my views entirely. In fact, for a long period of time I did not believe in love and I thought marriage was a blackhole that ultimately ended in a heartbreaking divorce. However, these past few years growing up, I have tried to open my eyes and see how love is everywhere and why it makes people so happy. It has also made me question if marriage is still a good thing or a bad thing.

As a little kid, marriage and weddings amazed me. People get dressed up, have rings they wear for the rest of their life, throw cake in each other’s faces and most importantly, all the adults get drunk. Newlyweds will go through the honeymoon phase and hopefully stay in love forever. Marriage is a big commitment, but it also has many benefits.

Finances & Taxes

The main benefits of finances include Social Security, inheritance and taxes. Spouses can still receive one another’s Social Security income if one is not eligible for Social Security or if a spouse passes away. If your spouse were to pass away, you can also inherit the estate without taxes. If the two of you were married, there would be taxes. Once you are married, you also have the option of filing jointly on your taxes which can help some spouses with deductions and other tax credits.

Health

Not only are you more likely to have good health when married, but you can also be on your spouse's health insurance plan. This is especially helpful when one spouse is not employed or does not receive health insurance benefits through their employer. You are also able to take a leave of absence (family or bereavement leave) if your spouse is sick or if your spouse or someone in your spouse’s family passes away.

Family

Starting a family is usually a goal after marriage. Having children while married will help the children grow into happy adults by having both parents present. If you are married, it also will not be a huge obstacle to start a family if you choose to give birth or adopt. Taxes also come into play here since you will be able to claim dependents.

Partnership

This benefit is probably the most obvious. Being married means having a partner by your side and being able to help each other through life. Having someone by your side, doing fun things, solving issues and sharing responsibilities will ultimately enhance your way of life. You accept one another and show interest in their well being for life.

Sex

A benefit to marriage can also be having a stable sex life. This life long commitment will allow you and your partner to learn trust and fulfill each other's sexual desires. A monogamous relationship, like marriage, will greatly decrease the risk of STDs too.

While the benefits of marriage seem great, the disadvantages still roam through my head. As I see my peers start to get engaged and plan their weddings, it honestly scares me a bit for if and when that time comes for me, my friends and my family. As much as I have seen successful and happy marriages, I have also seen where a failed marriage can go.

Infidelity

This is definitely the scariest disadvantage of marriage. Being married to the love of your life and finding out they are having an affair would be absolutely heartbreaking. The honeymoon phase does not last forever and if love starts to fade, then what?

Divorce

Divorce is almost always a result of infidelity, but can be a result of other reasons too. Maybe you were not ready for marriage or this was not the person you thought you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. Divorce is messy and a financial burden. You are basically paying an amount of money to break up with someone.

Family

If you and your spouse were to get divorced while having children, it will cause issues. Shared custody, packing bags, moving, finances, step-parents and other factors will affect the family as a whole. But divorce does not always affect a family. Maybe you and your spouse have different ideas on how to raise kids, or maybe one does not want kids at all. Families can also extend to your in-laws and how they drive you crazy.

Wedding Ceremony

If you wanted a fairytale wedding with millions of caterers, big and beautiful bouquets of flowers and a huge destination venue to fill all your guests, you may want to think again. The AVERAGE wedding costs $20,000. Weddings are a huge financial burden not only for the spouses, but also their families if they help out with the cost. While a huge wedding ceremony might be your dream, it may be smart to think smaller.

Changing Your Name 

If you decide to take your spouse’s surname, it is a hassle to go through to change important documents and identification, especially for same sex couples or men wanting to take their wive’s surname who may have to get a formal name change petition filed to the court. Think about the many documents you would have to get changed if you take your spouse’s surname. Social security, driver’s license, marriage certificate, passport, voter registration and credit cards just to name a few.

I cannot say whether or not marriage is entirely worth it because I have seen a plethora of marriages, good and bad. But I can say, seeing people in love and being in love makes me happy and I always hope for the best for those in love. If marriage is in the near future for you, it may be beneficial to really think about the advantages and disadvantages and discuss with your partner whether or not marriage is something that is really for you.