Q&A: How COVID-19 Has Affected Dating
art by Avery Zakocs
Over one year ago, COVID-19 spread rapidly across the United States forcing shutdowns left and right. Although this has affected education, the economy, and almost every other aspect of our lives, my biggest questions have been for young people who are dating or in a relationship. I wondered if other people were experiencing the same things my partner and I were. I wondered how couples adapted to almost remote dating towards the start of the pandemic. How do you meet new partners during this time? How are you even supposed to date during a pandemic? I seriously wondered how Gen Z relationships would respond to this. Here, we take a look at seven people around the midwest and how the pandemic has changed dating.
Maddy Stark, she/her
Question: Did you meet your partner(s) during the pandemic?
Answer: My partner and I had reconnected after several years during the pandemic.
Q: When shutdowns happened, did you and your partner(s) quarantine together or separate? What influenced this decision?
A: My partner and I started seeing each other about 3 months into the start of the pandemic. I was living with my parents at the time and spent about half the time with my partner at his home. Neither of us quarantined separately or together until we both contracted the virus. We then decided to stay at my home in Lincoln, Nebraska for our quarantine.
Q: Did covid or covid exposures affect your relationship(s)?
A: My partner contracted the virus therefore giving it to me but it happened during winter break so we were able to comfortably and safely quarantine without any commitments to school or work. We knew that if we were taking the risk to see each other then we were taking the risk of contracting the virus so I had no ill feelings towards the situation.
Q: One year into the pandemic, what does your normal date night look like?
A: We went on several dates to restaurants but other than that we remained at home.
Q: How has dating in the pandemic affected your relationship(s)?
A: Honestly, after several months of dating during the pandemic it didn’t really affect our relationship anymore. We became “family” and we’re exposing ourselves to each other consistently. There were many times we worried for the safety of our families because we were exposing ourselves to each other. I made a lot of sacrifices to continue to date my partner during this pandemic. We essentially were living together between our homes in Omaha and Lincoln. The pandemic battle was just as compromising to our relationship as living in two separate cities was.
Just like Stark, Omaha high school senior Mia Stiles experienced a similar experience, since her partner goes to the University of Nebraska-Lincoln.
Mia Stiles, she/her
Q: Did you meet your partner(s) during the pandemic?
A: I had known my boyfriend for a while but we officially met and started hanging out a few months before the pandemic started.
Q: Were you still able to see your partner(s) often during shutdowns?
A: I was still able to see my boyfriend during the shutdowns and I was able to do so only about one or two days each week for only about a couple hours, maybe three to five hours each day we would hang out. Since we were still getting to know each other in a boyfriend-girlfriend sort of way at the start of quarantine, not being able to be around large groups of people on a daily basis was really helpful for us actually. For the first few weeks of the quarantine period, every Thursday night we would have dinner at one of our two houses with our families. These Thursday family dinners still happen when he is in town.
Q: Did covid or covid exposures affect your relationship(s)?
A: Neither my boyfriend nor I have had the virus but we have definitely had to make accommodations here and there due to COVID. Since we are already doing a distanced relationship with him going to school in Lincoln [Nebraska], we already do not get to see each other on a daily basis or whenever we want to so with these factors added together it has definitely become a challenge at times being able to see each other. However, we have both made plenty of time for each other for facetime calls when we are not able to see each other face to face in person.
Q: One year into the pandemic, what does your normal date night look like?
A: A typical date night for us is getting together and ordering out or making food and eating at one of our houses and then we also like doing stuff like baking or board games watching movies or starting new shows together and then my personal favorite is playing Mario Kart or different Wii games.
Q: What compromises have you had to make with your partner(s) during the pandemic?
A: The biggest compromises that my boyfriend and I have had to make is been with our schedules because I am a senior in high school in Omaha [Nebraska] and he is a college freshman at UNL. With the pandemic and distance working against us we have had to be patient and flexible with plans to come to visit and see each other. We have started having a night at the start of each month on our facetime calls where we would sit down and talk through our calendars and plan out who would be able to come to see who and when that would be. The pandemic really forced and taught me to be more patient with stuff like that.
Q: How has dating in the pandemic affected your relationship?
A: In all honesty, I think the pandemic really helped our relationship. Prior to it, both of us were extremely busy and never had much time to sit and hang out one on one but after all the shutdowns, though it really sucked having things canceled we were given that time and we were able to hang out and get to know each other on a personal level and get to that understanding with each other.
Dating during a pandemic has been difficult, especially for people like Jacy Dragsten who started her first year of college in the fall with her partner. They have been together since 2018, however, Jacy goes to school in Lincoln, Nebraska while her partner goes to school in Bloomington, Indiana.
Jacy Dragsten, she/her
Q: When the shutdowns happened, did you and your partner(s) quarantine together or separate? What influenced this decision?
A: Since we both lived at home when the pandemic started, we both quarantined separately. I think the biggest factor that influenced this decision were our families, my mom is very serious about staying safe and I wanted to respect that. With his family, I think it was the same, just being respectful to the fact that there are more people than just himself to think about.
Q: What were ways you and your partner(s) were able to connect during shutdowns/quarantine?
A: The ways that we had to connect were largely through our phones. We got to go on walks and hang out outside, but other than that we could only FaceTime, use Snapchat [or other forms of social media].
Q: Did covid or covid exposures affect your relationship(s)?
A: When we got to school, I had to quarantine multiple times and he actually did get COVID. While it did not affect our relationship physically, it was emotionally stressful to have to worry about it.
Q: What did your normal date night look like pre-pandemic?
A: Before the pandemic, we would usually go out to dinner and go do some activity, or sometimes even just hang out at one of our houses. We would just be inside around other people, which definitely changed at the beginning of the pandemic.
Q: One year into the pandemic, what does your normal date night look like?
A: While at school, he goes to Indiana [University] so our date nights are usually just on FaceTime and we will eat together and watch shows. When we are at home, I would say that we usually get food to-go from a restaurant and then go to one of our houses and watch a movie or show.
Q: How has dating in the pandemic affected your relationship?
A: Although it is definitely hard, I feel like it strengthened our relationship and served as a reminder to never take a date night for granted and I also think it taught us new ways to continue our relationship when we can’t be physically together for a period of time.
Vinny Nelson, he/him
Q: Did you meet your partner(s) during the pandemic?
A: Me and John met [on Tinder] in August [2020]. He is from Los Angeles and goes to school at Creighton [University].
Q: When the shutdowns happened, did you and your partner(s) quarantine together or separate? What influenced this decision?
A: We did not really have a shutdown, but when he went to LA for a break to see his parents COVID was really bad there. My mom did not want me to get it but she has her vaccine now so everything is fine. John got tested in LA then in Omaha [when he came back]. Me, my mom and brother all lived at home and John stayed with us but we did not eat together or anything and my mom kept her distance. He tested negative so it was fine, but I am able to see him every weekend [now].
Q: Did covid or covid exposures affect your relationship(s)?
A: John’s roommate got COVID in October and at the time my brother, Paul was dating his girlfriend, Grace; they have since broken up. John had not met my parents yet, so I had John over for lunch in our backyard on a Sunday and Paul had Grace over too. Then John texted me that Tuesday saying that his roommate tested positive for COVID and that we should get tested. Then Grace’s sister tested positive on that Tuesday too, so there was this COVID scare since we just had lunch with everyone that Sunday, and now John's roommate and Paul’s girlfriend's sister tested positive. It was crazy because none of us got COVID from it and it was just a big COVID scare but it was all fine. Since John’s roommate got COVID they had to do contact tracing and everyone in the dorms [at Creighton] had to go to the Doubletree downtown for two weeks. They all got their own hotel room and it did suck not being able to see John for a week. John tested negative three times but he still could not leave the Doubletree since he was technically in quarantine. But since he tested negative three times I was able to go see him and hang out in the hotel, which was kinda fun even though it was probably against the rules a little bit.
Q: One year into the pandemic, what does your normal date night look like?
A: One year into the pandemic our date night is still fun but it is kind of boring. Basically I will go hang out at the dorms, get coffee and we just hang out or he will come to my house and we will just watch Wanda Vision every weekend together. You just have to do small little things. Sometimes we will go to the zoo when it is nice out or Lauritzen Gardens. Honestly we have been able to go do a lot of things. We have gone to Kaneko, Lauritzen Gardens, the Durham [Museum] and the Joslyn [Museum]. He is from LA so he has not done a lot of Omaha things and there is not much to do in Omaha to begin with so it is kind of boring, but we find our way. We have been on hikes together [too]. It is mostly just hanging out and doing little things. Anytime we go anywhere we have to wear a mask and it is fine but I feel like things could definitely be worse, but it has been interesting meeting during a pandemic for sure.
Q: Because of shutdowns and not meeting people in person, did dating apps suffice?
A: I would definitely say dating apps did suffice because I was on Tinder a lot this summer for shits and gigs, and because of boredom I did go on a date here and there but it was mainly just outside walking in a park not really swapping saliva or anything like that. Dating during COVID has sucked and has been a little complicated but now that I have a boyfriend it is good and easier to work around it. The sad thing is we do not eat out, we get takeout. We never eat in a restaurant because that is gross right now but that definitely would be a really fun date night to eat at a restaurant and I feel like it would be really romantic; same with the movies. I definitely wanna go to a concert, see the movies, go eat out and go to LA and visit John in his home city, but COVID is a shit show there so I do not really know if that would work out at this point.
Q: Was it difficult to meet new potential partners this past year?
A: Yes and no. I was on Tinder as I said before and you know matchy-match, swipe left, swipe right. But with me and John, our first date was really cute and we met at midtown and brought him sushi. We ate together and walked around midtown for a bit and we were like “well let's hang out again” and I think on the third or fourth date we were like “let's be boyfriends” and I was geeking at the time because John is my first boyfriend.
Q: What compromises have you had to make with your partner(s) during the pandemic?
A: We have had to work around it. My mom has her vaccine now because she works at a nursing home but I would always be super careful when I would go to John’s dorm. I would wear my mask inside like I was definitely a tweaker about it because I did not want to give COVID to my mom who could potentially suffer and pass it on to her residents. I definitely had that on the back of my mind a lot while dating John, which is good because I am being safe but if I wanted to be completely safe I would be stuck in my room so it was a double edged sword. We never would personally go expose ourselves at some stupid party. When I go to the dorms at Creighton I guess I am technically not supposed to be there so I sneak in so that is kind of fun. The thing is I am seeing John in my car without a mask so he is exposing me to whoever he is seeing in the dorms. So, I do have to sneak into the dorms but it has not been that hard to work around and it was kinda sketchy to do at first but we made it work.
Q: How has dating in the pandemic affected your relationship?
A: It definitely has been interesting especially with my mom working at a retirement home; that was stressful. All of her residents are now vaccinated and so is she so it is less worrisome. I feel like we have made it work to the best of our ability. But at this point I am just waiting to get my vaccine and for everything to be over, hopefully.
Nelson met his partner through dating apps like Tinder. Throughout the pandemic, Tinder has helped many other people, like Kayja Speeks, when meeting new people has been difficult.
Kayja Speeks, she/her
Q: Did you meet your partner(s) during the pandemic?
A: I did. I met my boyfriend in January of 2021.
Q: When the shutdowns happened, did you and your partner(s) quarantine together or separate? What influenced this decision?
A: I did not know him at the time of the shutdown but if I had we would have quarantined separately because I work in healthcare and would not want to spread anything to him.
Q: One year into the pandemic, what does your normal date night look like?
A: Now things are pretty much open, but to avoid going out and being around people we usually order food for pick up and bring it home and watch TV.
Q: Because of shutdowns and not meeting people in person, did dating apps suffice?
A: I actually met Daythan on Tinder and I’m really grateful for the app. I probably would not be in a relationship right now if it was not for Tinder.
Q: Was it difficult to meet new potential partners this past year?
A: For sure. It is my freshman year of college and I thought I was going to meet a ton of people but then COVID hit and in the last year I have met two new people.
Q: How has dating in the pandemic affected your relationship?
A: Honestly I think it has kind of forced us to really get to know each other and spend one on one time together. I would say it has only had a positive impact.
While some people have met their partner during the pandemic, L Castellan has known their partner before COVID hit the United States.
L Castellan, they/them she/her
Q: Did you meet your partner(s) during the pandemic?
A: I did not meet my partner during the pandemic, but I started playing video games again during the pandemic and that is how we rekindled our relationship. Had the pandemic not happened, I may not have started dating my partner because I would not have started playing games again.
Q: When the shutdowns happened, did you and your partner(s) quarantine together or separate? What influenced this decision?
A: My partner and I quarantined separately at our own houses but chose to only hang out with each other and no one else. We chose this because both of our families were working from home and so were we, so we decided it was low risk for us to see each other. Since we decided to only see each other, we had to really lean on one another for support and friendship. Had that not been the case, I am guessing we would have stayed distanced and quarantined entirely separate.
Q: What were ways you and your partner(s) were able to connect during shutdowns/quarantine?
A: My partner and I spent the majority of the summer during lockdown going on hikes and spending time outdoors. This helped us get closer and become healthier together. We also spent a lot of time playing cooperative games, which strengthened our teamwork skills.
Q: One year into the pandemic, what does your normal date night look like?
A: During the pandemic, my partner and I usually get takeout and have movie night at one of our houses or go on a hike if the weather is nice.
Q: What compromises have you had to make with your partner(s) during the pandemic?
A: My partner and I decided for the safety of ourselves and those around us that we would not hang out with our friends or go out to eat until after the pandemic. This has been a huge sacrifice because we both miss our friends a lot but we are glad to have each other to lean on.
Q: How has dating in the pandemic affected your relationship?
A: I think the pandemic made my partner and I closer because now we know that we can make it through anything that life throws our way. We always tell each other that it is never going to get worse than this. It keeps us hopeful for the future.
Unlike most of the others, Chad Fey and his partner have known each other since middle school and have been dating for the past two years.
Chad Fey, he/him
Q: When the shutdowns happened, did you and your partner(s) quarantine together or separate? What influenced this decision?
A: We were living with our own families due to the uncertainty and abrupt ending to our senior year.
Q: Were you still able to see your partner(s) often during shutdowns?
A: Early on in the shutdown, the two of us really needed to connect. We were both feeling trapped and alone. I remember my family was so scared that when I asked to see my girlfriend, all hell broke loose.
Q: What were ways you and your partner(s) were able to connect during shutdowns/quarantine?
A: We could still FaceTime and communicate using technology, but as it went on every human interaction we had became more and more artificial.
Q: What did your normal date night look like pre-pandemic?
A: It is honestly hard to remember at this point. Typical date nights would look like a baseball game in the hot summer, going to theaters, or dinner and a movie at home.
Q: One year into the pandemic, what does your normal date night look like?
A: Nowadays we hang out in the dorm, and pick up college dining food. If we go out we must remember to take our masks out of the car, and typically stay away from other groups.
Q: How has dating in the pandemic affected your relationship?
A: In general, dating has been more challenging for everyone due to the pandemic. Coming into college together at a time like this really forced us to rely on each other and ourselves more and sometimes inhibit our ability to work together. In the end we know this is only temporary and we make it through with each other.
The hardships of the pandemic have been hard on a lot of us whether it is losing a loved one, not being able to see friends and family or not having the social life you once had. After speaking with these seven people who have experienced dating first hand during the pandemic, it makes me hopeful that they are hopeful, that this experience has made a positive impact on their relationship and that many of them have grown throughout the past year. Hearing the answers to these questions made me reflect on my own relationship. There have been so many compromises we have had to make that have taken a toll on our health mentally and physically, but in the end I know this only makes us stronger as people and builds our relationship.
