Deep in the Mud of Sex and Love. What is it All About?
The words seem that they would go together:
Sex and Love.
Like they are the last pieces to connect in order to finish the puzzle. The negative and positive charges that attract. Sex is an intimate act between two partners and love is so intangible: an emotion, or a meaning, or literally anything you perceive it to be. That’s the beauty and intricacy when it comes to describing what love is. It could be an action, a feeling, an object, a person, a song, a color, and so many other things. And when it comes to actually being in love with a person, I believe even that can’t be explained perfectly by me. We are given the concrete definitions of these words, yet they hold such different meanings to everyone on the planet. One synonym for sex is called “lovemaking”. However, is love present in every sexual situation? Obviously, sex and love can exist without the other. People can have hookups with no deep emotional connection with the other person, and that's perfectly fine. There are also instances where people can love without needing to be intimate. There is always something within this spectrum of “sex and love” that works for you.
When people say having high expectations limits your options: hell it fucking should. Don’t settle for less just because you are scared to be alone or want to have those “couple goals”. If you are still finding that special person: darling, you are good. If you find someone who is considerate and open to your feelings and desires, shows you love without making it seem like a chore, and may or may not be what seems like literally the most perfect human in the entire universe... darling, you are good. But also what’s your secret? Just kidding. Kinda. And if you don’t plan on finding that special person, darling you are fucking good. Things will happen for you in due time, don’t rush it.
In my own experience, that love has to come from the deep depths of my heart, and I think the feeling of attraction comes first before those two things. For me, the first sign of attraction is always those butterflies in my stomach, my palms getting cold and clammy, my heart always racing, and the overwhelming feeling of making sure that I don’t say something stupid. When the relationship is formed, that’s when the love begins to build. I’m aware that this is never true for every partnership: some ending earlier than you expected or wanted, others being pointless and going nowhere in the long run. But there is that exception where you feel that this person you’ve connected with is someone you feel the most comfortable spending time and being vulnerable with. Where there is absolute trust and you confide in one another easily: no jealousy, no hurt, and you will never see their flaws because, of course, how could you? You’re completely infatuated with this other person.
And I’m not talking about toxic traits when I talk about flaws. Of course, you should never turn a blind eye to that. But what about those little things that would normally annoy you if you didn’t give two shits about the other person. There’s this passion when it comes to being connected with someone else, that desire. And this is a completely different desire from feeling “horny”. I believe that type of arousal does come hand-in-hand with sex, but even that does not really fulfill the feeling that love and attraction hold. To be short, sweet, and biased: horniness is temporary, love is forever. And for someone who’s had their fair share of experiences with sex and “love”, I feel that taking the time to learn about yourself and waiting for the right moment/person is the best option. Especially during quarantine, self-reflection can honestly open up new outlooks and feelings for many aspects of your life.
I don’t care if my love and sex talk sounds like bullshit, it’s just my opinion; because I will say, sex articles aren’t always reliable. Actually, they’re never reliable. Trust me, I thought they were going to teach me and have me prepared for everything that I would experience in high school and beyond. Surprise! They fuckin didn’t. I feel like a person must go through that whole experience on their own, and as much as they would want an all-knowledgeable guide, carving out your own path and allowing yourself to have new experiences and make mistakes is most of the fun. You might think that you have it all planned out because you’ve seen it in movies or shows and read articles and magazines. You might have played the prom scene and the high school sweetheart scene out in your head a thousand times. But when that time really comes, it will hit you out of nowhere. Trust me. It won’t always be fun and it won’t always be picture perfect like you always imagined it. But once you hit your stride and figure out how to be involved in a partnership without compromising yourself and your values, you’ll be like “Okay, what the fuck? This is cool.” As I said, I don’t speak for other people. I don’t care what you do or who you do at the end of the day, just be good to yourself, love yourself, and know what you want from others. It’s only you and yourself at the end of the day.
