I used to believe that female sexuality could act as an active protest against the patriarchy. 

As young girls, we are consistently told that the more openly sexual a woman is, the less deserving of respect they are, and the less value they have to society. Subsequently, I found that by taking full control of my body and, quite frankly, doing whatever I want, I could rebel against this expectation of women to be prudent and submissive. I still certainly believe this to be true. Yet, as I’ve grown older, I’ve come to realize that no matter how far I remove myself from societal expectations of women in terms of sexuality, my individual actions will not liberate all people with female reproductive organs. Thus, I believe that the sexual liberation movement works on an individual scale. 

As long as we live in this heteronormative patriarchal society, and under the close watch of the male gaze, sexual freedom for one person may mean something completely different for another. Sexual liberation doesn’t necessarily mean that we should be pushing for women and non-binary people to constantly engage in sex, but that whatever sexual acts someone chooses to engage in, or chooses not to, is completely up to them. And no matter what they do choose, they should never be shamed for doing so, nor pushed to feel guilty for it. Sexual desires are just as natural as cravings for sleep, food, and water, and it’s ridiculous that society makes people, specifically women, feel guilty for having a craving for sexual acts. 

It’s also important to mention that sexual expectations vary on matters other than just reproductive organs. Women of color, and Black girls especially, are viewed through a hypersexual lens, and as a result, they are often less likely to be believed when they report cases of sexual assault. This makes it vital to fight for sexual liberation through an intersectional viewpoint and to put Black women at the forefront of not just the sexual liberation movement but also the feminist movement. 

In finding sexual liberation, it becomes an individual’s choice to engage in sexual acts or not, instead of it being under the dictation of what the patriarchy deems moral. Finding individual sexual liberation means that one’s sex life can become whatever one chose it to, and that societal norms should have nothing to do with it. One can find liberation through lots of sex, or through none at all. Sexual liberation means coming to understand one’s own sexual needs and desires as an individual. Finding freedom from patriarchal sexual expectations is an individual journey.

This is all not to say that I have found sexual liberation because I most certainly have not. But just that my journey to find sexual liberation belongs to me, and that it looks different for everyone. There’s a large spectrum of what it means to be sexually intimate, from holding someone’s hand to engaging in sex with multiple partners, and no portion of this spectrum is more valid than another; everyone is entitled to their own desires and means of individual liberation. As Christina Hope said, “Liberation is about understanding and about choice — it’s knowing your own pleasure, knowing your own needs, being able to communicate these, and having the ability to choose for yourself.”