The Pressure to Create

“Well, at least I’ll have plenty of time to work on my novel,” I said to a friend, walking out of the school gates for what would be the last time on March 13, 2020. The school was abuzz with a mix of excitement and confusion, no one really knowing anything about the situation we’d been put in, except that we were being sent home for something called “distance learning” for about a month. We talked about the Netflix series we would binge, the extra time we would get to hang out with friends, and how difficult sports practices were cancelled until further notice.

Before the depressing reality of the situation had set in, I saw an opportunity to finally get around to the creative projects that I had been putting off. All of my excuses about being too busy to work on my poems, novel, and screenplay were taken away, and so I resolved myself to writing every day. 

“This is what you love to do,” I told myself. “This is the opportunity you never even asked for to finally get to work without any other obligations.” 

For the first few days of being home, I tried to establish some sort of routine throughout the day. I woke up, exercised, did my online schoolwork, and sat down and wrote for as long as I could. And for a while, that worked really well. I was getting a lot done, and was proud of my self-discipline. But one day, I opened up my laptop to write, and my fingers lay silent on the keys. “You have to get something done,” I urged myself. So I forced out a few paragraphs, and shut my laptop angrily. 

At least I wrote something. 

As the days went on, I kept forcing myself to devote just a little bit of time to writing, no matter how I was feeling or if I was actually inspired. I would tell myself that if I just got through a few paragraphs, I could curl up and watch a movie or read a book. Writing became a chore and an obligation. I had to write, instead of wanting to write. I thought that since I had all this time, and since I didn’t have anything more productive to do, it would be a waste of this opportunity if I didn’t write as much as I told myself I should.  

As the lockdown was extended more and more, and events were cancelled further into the future, my outlook became bleak and my mental health was plummeting. The thing that had once made me so happy and fulfilled had become an annoying task, and I didn’t like the material I was producing either. What I didn’t realize was that my priority during quarantine shouldn’t have been being productive, it should have been taking care of myself and doing the best I could to get by. On top of the stress and depression that comes along with the pandemic and its consequences, I was also putting pressure on myself to create things and use my free time productively. 

While looking through social media and articles online, I learned that I was not alone in feeling this way. Many people had put themselves under pressure to be productive and to paint, draw, create music, write, or read every day, and this took a toll on all of our mental healths collectively. 

In a Washington Post article, productivity expert Racheal Cook writes, “There’s a huge push of people thinking that because we are home right now, we can be productive and that we’re all going to be able to stay as focused as we were... but that’s just not the case.” 

Since changing my mindset about being creative during quarantine, I have allowed myself some grace and made my own self-care and relaxation more of a priority. By learning my limits and being kinder to myself, I have been able to incorporate writing into my life in a healthier way, and as a result the quality of my work has increased a great amount. 

If you, like me, have been feeling weight on your shoulders when it comes to being creative during quarantine, take a step back and think about whether pushing yourself creatively is the best thing for your mental health at this point in time. 

It is completely okay if you did not get around to everything that you wanted to get to in 2020, because none of us did. This year brought along incredible challenges and unprecedented issues, and staying alive and staying happy is always more than enough. 

In this new year, as life hopefully returns to a bit more normalcy, we should keep in mind that self-care is an important priority to hold, even as we strive to achieve our goals. Like many other aspects of our life, it is important to create balance between productivity and self-care. So, the next time you feel like something that used to make you happy has become a chore, remember that your work will be better and more authentic if you let it come to you naturally.